Timeless Treasure: Revisiting Feminine Appeal
Over the past few months, I’ve posted a series of articles that have historically shaped our understanding of Biblical counseling, with more to come. In line with that, I want to highlight books that shaped two of our shared values: gospel-centeredness and complementarianism. Last month I featured C.J. Mahaney’s The Cross Centered Life. This month, as promised, I’m featuring Carolyn Mahaney’s Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother.
Part of my motivation for reintroducing some of this older material has to do with the fact that I have only a few more months to serve as Director of Church Development, and there are certain things I want to make sure to leave behind. I’m not indulging in nostalgic longing for the past or a desire to return to “the good old days.” Rather I have a sincere desire to make sure that those who have been around for a while don’t lose touch with this material and that those who are newer and those yet to come will benefit from these invaluable pieces of our history. Before I dive in, allow me two brief comments on issues related to Feminine Appeal.
A Brief Comment on Complementarianism
Complementarianism is the biblical understanding that God created male and female equal in personhood and value but different in role and function. This complementarian understanding has doctrinal and practical implications for both the home and the church. Sovereign Grace Churches (SGC) sees this as such a critical issue that we’ve adopted it as one of our seven shared values. In contrast, egalitarianism claims that God created male and female equal in every respect, including equality in role and function in both the home and church.
In 1987, the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) crafted The Danvers Statement, which set forth the core beliefs of complementarianism. In 1991, Crossway Books published Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism. This statement and book were critical in helping SGC to clearly define our complementarian convictions. However, from my seat, the overall trajectory of complementarianism is downhill as more and more churches and individuals have challenged and even repudiated this position. In SGC, we must stand firm in our convictions no matter how increasingly unpopular they may become.
It’s in that climate that I think a review and reintroduction of Feminine Appeal is so vital.
A Brief Comment on Titus 2
In Titus 2:1, Paul instructs Titus to "teach what accords with sound doctrine,” i.e., what is fitting, appropriate, and proper. Interestingly, rather than launching into a systematic theology treatise, he commands teaching on very practical issues for older men, older women, younger women, younger men, and bondservants. The ESV Study Bible says, "The theme of Titus is the inseparable link between faith and practice, belief and behavior." Paul’s purpose in these commands is twofold: "that the word or God may not be reviled" (v. 5); and "so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (v. 10). He then encourages that it is God’s grace that will enable these various groups to obey these commands (v. 11-12). In verse 15, Paul finishes with this strong exhortation to Titus “Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.”
Within this context, Feminine Appeal unpacks for us Paul's instructions to older and younger women in verses 3-5. We must be careful not to divorce teaching on Titus 2:3-5 from this larger context.
Introduction
Recently AT&T Wireless featured a commercial where a guy is getting a tattoo and is concerned about how it’s going. At one point, he asks the tattoo artist if he should be doing something differently. The artist's memorable response was, "Stay in your lane bro." I think that can sometimes be the response when men take up addressing women's issues. But remember that Titus 2 was written to a pastor so that he might “teach what accords with sound doctrine.” It’s in that spirit that I offer this review for your consideration.
Feminine Appeal (FA) doesn’t attempt to address all that needs to be said about complementarianism or all that could possibly be taught to Christian women. Its focus is, as the title states, "Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother." But even though it doesn't attempt to teach everything there is to say about complementarianism; it teaches some very important things - some foundational things regarding the primary focus of discipleship for younger women in the church.
Let me start by saying some things I appreciate overall about FA. I’ll then briefly review each chapter and close with some thoughts on using this wonderful resource.
I appreciate how realistic, honest and sympathetic Carolyn Mahaney is. She puts herself in the middle of all the issues she addresses, not as one who has arrived but as a fellow in-process sinner and struggler. She also continually notes how she has appropriated much gospel grace. I think many women will read her illustrations and think, "I've thought that, I've done that," as well as “I can do that!!”
I appreciate how Carolyn courageously points to sin as the root of women’s struggles with both owning and applying Titus 2’s virtues.
My honest first reaction on rereading FA for this article was, "Wow, Carolyn sure talks about sin a lot.” But as I reflected further, I came to appreciate her approach. No woman can hope to grow in these virtues and experience the blessing and joy God intends through them until she identifies, repents of, and continually battles the sins that hinder that growth. But Carolyn doesn’t only talk about sin, which is the next thing I appreciate.
I appreciate how Carolyn faithfully points to the gospel’s grace to receive forgiveness and to change.
In Titus 2:11-12, we are told that “the grace of God has appeared” in the person of Jesus. And now, through His gospel accomplishments, grace trains us to both “renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self- controlled, upright and godly lives.”
Carolyn appropriately speaks of sin but shouts of grace!! So FA is always hope-filled and faith-building.
I appreciate how Carolyn reorients women from self to God, problem to joy, sin to forgiveness, and weakness to ability.
I appreciate how FA is scripture-saturated. FA isn't simply good advice from an "older woman" to "younger women," it presents God’s words to His beloved daughters. Older women are to “teach” and “train” younger women in these seven virtues because they are “good.”
On this final point, allow me a brief aside. In the 18 years since FA first came out, SGC had grown and changed in a lot of ways. Ways that I'm grateful for. But as I've traveled around, I’ve picked up from some that FA is a bit “old fashioned, out of date, or belonging in the been there done that on to bigger and better things” category. If you're in that category, may I appeal that you reconsider? Scripture is never old-fashioned, out of date, or a been there done that, once-and-done subject of study. Like everything in the Bible, Titus 2:3-5 is timeless because scripture is timeless. May we please never move on from Titus 2 as a fundamental part of our discipleship of women or as a core part of our churches' women's ministry.
Content
Chapter One – Transformed by Titus 2
Carolyn explains how Titus 2 has shaped her understanding of Biblical womanhood and how she has come to understand its relevance to women of all ages and seasons of life. Its "mentoring mandate…remains both authoritative and relevant for women today.”
Also, Carolyn wisely points out that if Titus 2 is reduced to a checklist of dos and don'ts for women, we have missed the point. The point is “the transforming effect of the gospel in the lives of women” and the way that effect is meant to adorn the gospel.
Chapter Two – The Delight of Loving My Husband
Is it inevitable that the honeymoon will end in marriage? No. Marital love isn’t bound to deteriorate over time. Marriage can become richer and sweeter as the couple matures together. Carolyn gives envisioning biblical and practical advice on how women of all ages can “love their husbands” with a “tender, affectionate, passionate kind of love." A love that calls and enables a wife to "prize," "cherish," and "enjoy" her husband in a way that is a joy to him AND to her.
Chapter Three – The Blessing of Loving My Children
It is contrary to nature for a woman not to love her children. And yet, the day-to-day grind of caring for children can wear down even the godliest moms. Carolyn helps moms identify the sins that can dampen their love for and enjoyment of their children. But she also points out how “tender thoughts” and “tender behavior” will keep a mother’s love and enjoyment fresh.
Chapter Four – The Safety of Self Control
Self-control is almost always mentioned when Biblical writers talk about Christian virtues, so it’s no surprise that Paul mentions it as a virtue that older women should teach the younger. (In vs. 2 and 6, Paul enjoins the same for older and younger men) Carolyn talks about some of the areas where self-control can be a challenge for women. I especially appreciate how she shows self-control to be a safeguard, not a restriction, to happy living. There really is “safety” in self-control.
Two other books by Carolyn and her daughter Nicole Whitacre, True Beauty and True Feelings, offer important expansions of some of the topics covered in this chapter.
Chapter Five – The Pleasures of Purity
Our sexuality is a gift from God, but it is a gift that is often the source of temptation and sin because of the fall. Carolyn explains how to fight for purity and how to enjoy the gift of sex in its proper place, the marital bed.
Chapter Six – The Honor of Working at Home
This is one of my favorite chapters. I love the way Carolyn graciously and carefully explains the call to be a wife and mother as high and honored. Scripture doesn't forbid a woman from working outside the home. Nevertheless, Carolyn correctly sees that Paul expresses a biblical priority here. A married woman’s first priority, especially once she has children, is to her home. Her best efforts and energies are to be invested in her home, and all decisions to work outside the home should be made with that priority in mind.
Chapter Seven – The Rewards of Kindness
Carolyn quotes Jerry Bridges' helpful definition: “Kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others and goodness is the activities calculated to advance that happiness.” But, if not guarded against, anger, bitterness and judgmentalism can hinder the desire for kindness and the activities of goodness. Once those sins are dealt with, Carolyn shows a variety of ways wives and moms can cultivate these rewarding virtues.
Chapter Eight – The Beauty of Submission
Submission is certainly an often misunderstood command for a wife. John Piper defines submission as “The divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and to help carry it through according to her gifts.” Carolyn does a superb job unpacking the whys and hows of submission as well as the effects that it is intended to have. She clearly explains the distinction that a wife’s role is to be her husband’s helper (and husbands definitely need the help!!) and that the attitude she brings to that role is submission.
Chapter Nine – Margaret’s Story
Carolyn honors her own mom for her inspiring Titus 2 example.
So What Now?
Let me make a few simple suggestions:
Consider how to make Feminine Appeal a regular part of your women’s ministry curriculum. FA comes with an excellent study guide written by Carolyn’s daughter Nicole Whitacre.
Consider how to introduce new members to our complementarian value. As Carolyn rightly points out in one place, in America, feminism is the air that women breathe. Further, as I mentioned earlier, evangelical feminism with its egalitarian leaning has a strong and increasing influence in the church. Feminine Appeal is one clear, winsome resource for explaining and promoting this value.
Because Feminine Appeal deals with virtues for a wife and mom, consider how to use it as part of your marriage and parenting classes. Quotes and comments from the book open the door for being able to recommend it as a resource.
If you don’t already, have it in your bookstore or at your book table. What we feature in those places communicates what we consider important for our members to be reading and studying. I’d also make sure you have True Beauty and True Feelings as well.